It’s been almost a year since I feel I’ve really written anything.*
Yet, there has been much efforts made toward writing. Here’s a list:
1. noted that the wordpress app was in a hidden-ish and sort of ominous folder labled “blog”. The other app in the blog folder was the self indulgent “blog stats” link**. I moved both to my less-threatening folder, “writing”.
2. I mentioned my squeamishness regarding bloging to my kind therapist. She noted that the echoing voice of one middle aged man in my community, saying “I dont know why all these kids writing the details of their lives on the internet,” doesn’t really have a better take on the relevance of internet culture than I do. Or at least that’s what I think she said. That’s how I chose to read her warmly humored smirk. Neither one of us brought up the reality that this cafe hang about had to have been reading the blogs to know what to claim was tmi.
3. I borrowed Margaret Atwood’s “Moving Targets” and Baby’s in Black, a graphic novel by Arne Bellstorf about Astrid Kirhherr and The Beatles’ time meeting and collaborating. Also took out Roger Rosenblatt’s Unless It Moves the Human Heart. Aun borrowed Sleeping Dragons All Around, by the beloved Sheree Fitch. (That library rocked it yesterday.) I’ve been reading*** Julia Cameron’s The Right to Write and Bell Hooks’ all about love. Reading about creators and their process inspires creation.
4. I’ve talked with, even befriended, writer friends. I’m slowly recalling how little time most “writers” actually spend writing, and that
most all writers doubt themselves. I attempt to push myself out of the “I shouldn’t write because I’m not a writer because I don’t often enough write” spiral.
5. I signed up for SARK’s exceptionally welcome weekly email. I’m reading her writing. I’m practicing the art of “micro movements”. Rather than procrastinating, and spending my efforts on hating myself for procrastinating, I do a small thing – a tiny thing – to begin what it is I eventually intend to do. I make the action more easy for myself, or more appealing, in some small way, and then I attempt to not beat on myself for being distracted immediately afterwards.
6. I’ve filed for divorce, and am filling out immigration paperwork, and am tracking my finances if not quite dealing with them perfectly. I’m climbing out of the rubble that was the messy result of my saturn return. I spent $20 on a big ole astrological reading, telling myself the personalized info was research for a piece on coming of age at 30. I attempt to not let skepticism eclipse inspiration.
7. I’ve changed the way I write an “A”. I recall intentionally chaining my “e” as a teenager, and it stuck. Also, I disliked my “D”‘s until a few years ago.
8. I got Adele and Melissa Ferrick back on the ipod. They had both been banished in a bad synch.
9. I allowed myself to be distracted on the way to prune the tomato plants. I worry I’ve left it too late, and the lower leaves are yellowing and I cant tell if that’s because they’ve been overwatered or under fed or over winded or transplanted too late. Most likely the pots are too small. Container-friendly vegetables my ass. Now they’re spindly and the tops I need to chop off are the first to flower and fruit. I’ll need to have faith to make the cuts. Suddenly, holding the knife, searching for my less-wet garden shoes I have a urge to write. Instead. And I take it.****
*the anniversary of Sean’s arrival in NS is a scant few weeks away, August 23rd.
**note to the iphone users, in case you missed this delicious feature: to craft an app-like icon on your phone that opens a favored url, simply click the edit icon when you have said url open in safari and then “Add to Home Screen”
***or atleast carrying these books around, reading perhaps a page a month each. It’s heavy stuff, but it sort of fuels me to have supplies near by.
****it occurs to me that in the spring, when the garden is orderly and plan-able I shouldn’t expect to get much writing done. Now, as everything overgrows and fights off aphids there’s so many “if’s” the space makes me spin. Happily there’s lots to snack on while I wander around overwhelmed. The raspberries this year are fantastic. So will be the tomatoes… I just need to man up and do it.